Civil Servant

Definition of civil:
adjective

1)    relating to ordinary citizens and their concerns, as distinct from military or ecclesiastical matters.
        "civil aviation"
    synonyms:    secular, non-religious, lay;
        "a civil marriage ceremony"
    non-military, civilian
        "civil aviation"

2)    courteous and polite.
        "they were comparatively civil to their daughter"
    synonym:    polite, courteous, well mannered, well bred, gentlemanly, chivalrous, gallant, ladylike, gracious, respectful;

Definition of servant:
noun

1)    a person who performs duties for others, especially a person employed in a house on domestic duties or as a personal attendant.
    synonyms:    attendant, retainer
2)    a devoted and helpful follower or supporter.
        "he was a great servant of the Labour Party"
    synonyms:    helper, supporter, follower

Definition of civil servant:
noun

1)    a member of the civil service.
    synonyms:    public servant, government official, government worker, civil-service employee

I think I know why the reality of 'civil servant' is South Africa is so different from the idea I have of what a civil servant should be.   Very selective reading.  On my side, I look at civil, and see/understand "courteous and polite".  I look at servant, and see/understand "devoted and helpful".  In the mean time, the 'civil servants' themselves see/understand "government official".

Definition of official:
noun

1)    a person holding public office or having official duties, especially as a representative of an organization or government department.
    "a union official"
    synonyms:    officer, office-holder, office-bearer, administrator, executive, appointee, functionary

Obviously, the definition they finally have of civil servant, is as a person in government with an office.  I can see why we have quite different expectations when it comes to what they are supposed to be doing.

Liberty

Breaking with your family is the most dearly bought liberty. It means breaking with parts of yourself. Breaking off parts of yourself.

Read this a few minutes ago, and it struck a sore spot, like stepping onto a thorn that goes right through your shoe's sole.  The hurt is that much worse because you have already taken precautions, and you felt safely armored against it.  Wondering how to get rid of this without inadvertently stepping or sitting or pressing into another; and the whole time this pain is reminding you that it is still there, it is something that must be dealt with as soon as possible, and you are focusing so much on the pain that everything else is just background noise.

Firstly, I had to make sure what is understood by this word, liberty.  After reading all the long and confusing definitions as penned by much wiser men, I thought of the one sentence I have ever used with this word in it.  "I am not at liberty to say."  So, I see liberty as the state or condition of people who are able to act and speak freely.

I broke with my family because I was given the choice between them and my wife.  At that stage the choice was easy to make, and even though we talk to each other again, and have some kind of contact, the break was clean, and the connection we have is fragile at best.

I am a solitary type of person, and when people move out of my life, I do not spend a lot of time or effort to keep in contact.  Not something I am proud of, but something that I am aware of, and think about changing.  Sometime in the future, as soon as I feel the need to contact somebody from my past.

Breaking off parts of yourself.  I knew I have done that, I just never thought of this as one of those times.  The pain was not there; the rebuilding, slowly and agonizing, was not there; and the feeling of completing this 'rebirth', this restructuring of priorities and change of viewpoint, was never realized.

Parts of me may be stunted, broke off and was never replaced, never healed, never acknowledged.  It is scary, when I think of all the personal growth I achieved, or thought I achieved, without even realizing this chunk of me that may be missing.

Healing will be a nuisance, with hidden scar tissue a possible factor at any stage or moment.  Tackling it now is a given, but just to investigate, not to create a 'quick fix'.  Maybe it was healed in the first place, maybe the piece that was broken off was minute in the first place, but I'll look and find out just the same.  Rather be sure about something this important.