The multiverse did not disappear, so I just went into denial.
I was reminded of this fact every now and then, but it just became easier to deny every time. Not easier to handle, these reminders, but I just took them as a personal attack, which it mostly is, and built my life around it.
I am talking about my view of God, not about yours. Yours may still be strutting around, granting you a miracle every now and then, a stern warning when much needed, a helping hand after a bit of inattention from his side, but that is between you. Not applicable or relevant at all. This is my blog and I'll cry and rant and sob if I want to.
At the moment I am finally realizing that God is dead. My God that looked over me since birth, that would always be there, even when everybody and everything else failed to do so; died years ago and I have been trying to cope with this fact since then.
It leaves a stale taste in my mouth, realizing that society provided a fake god for me to fill the gap, and I mostly did not notice the difference. All of my adult life I lived a lie, something I knew deep down to be completely fake, and I am still kind of 'agreeable' with it.
Lots of things to process, lots of time to do it in. Maybe. I am not sure if I am ready for the fact that this is a once-off thing. No heaven, no immortal soul, no afterlife, no judgement, just this life, now.
Emotions are still fighting to find out which one is strongest. I may become emotional within the next few weeks if there is a winner. Watch this space for more. Or not...
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